Right, okay, college football is back. The Tartan is back. And when you put those two things together you get a recipe for my favorite part of the year, the part where everything and anything can happen and I get to write about it.
And this year has been a bit of a treat, because, oh my GOD, football is a mess.
Firstly, the sorry-ahh sore losers from last year, the Florida State Seminoles, have been rocked in three consecutive games, the first time in decades that a top-10 team has started the next season 0–3. FSU opened with a close loss to Georgia Tech, a team that has been on the upswing since Brent “The” Key took over in 2022. They then followed that up by getting shellacked by Boston College and Memphis, in performances that could only be compared to a third grader’s piano recital. It was bad, it was reaaaal bad, and the fact that this is what happened to one of the three 13–0 teams in the country last year is really just an example of how bad Georgia broke the ‘Noles. The team needs to be rebuilt from the ground up, and I’m really not sure if Mike Norvell is the man for the job. However, there is a coach with national championship experience and recruiting experience in Florida who currently is unemployed, so really all I’m saying is maybe FSU should call up Jimbo Fisher.
Meanwhile, Notre Dame got whooped by NIU in a game that demonstrates exactly how little Marcus Freeman has been able to do with one of the best gigs in the country. It’s not that hard to take ND to the 12-team playoffs, and with all seriousness, Brian Kelly probably would’ve been doing it year-in, year-out, but they’ve gotta stop having these unexplainable losses to annoying G5 teams that have no business being there. ND spent a million and change on this game, though, which really might just be their Catholic sense of charity.
Of course, it doesn’t really get any better in other parts of the world, with Colorado continuing to be a bit of a joke in the CFB world. Deion Sanders’ son, Shadeur, is throwing 300+ yards a game, but with a rushing total in the double digits, there’s very little ability for the Buffs to control the clock and lengthen possessions. Against teams with a genuine level of talent, this is real bad news, which was evident when Nebraska decided to sit on Colorado and stop them from moving. It also doesn’t help that Deion just hates everyone he’s not related to, and demanded the band stop playing the fight song after touchdowns, until his son’s god awful rap beat was played first. It’s a stupid call, made by a man who has no belief in the tradition and importance of college sports.
Back to positivity for a second, NEBRASKA IS RANKED NOW. EVERYONE CHEER. NEBRASKA IS BACK, BABYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Rhule has done an incredible job with one of the more cursed teams in college football, and I’m glad he’s put in the effort to give a fanbase that deserves a break some good football to watch. The team starts Big 10 play in a couple days, and that’s going to be the real challenge for an old blue blood.
Comparatively, the woke mob finally won when the hippy losers of the University of California at Berkeley made mincemeat of the old-fashioned Americans of the Auburn Football Team, in a game that reminded us that the true meaning of progressive values is making sure to remind Auburn to eat Pitt’s favorite meal every day. Cal’s twitter game has been hilarious post-match, and I really hope to see the Woke Mind Virus (as I am now affectionately calling the Golden Bears) infect other stadiums over the rest of the season.
The PAC-12, rest in peace, has been pretty incredible so far, and it seems that the conference of champions has infected the rest of CFB with its drama. Currently, the PAC-12 is one of the winningest conferences in the game, and the former teams have been keeping pace with the best of them. I cannot wait to see where they go.
